The “Native American” Ten Commandments…

I don’t like the idea of placing ALL Native American tribes under one simplified heading and making the inference that every tribe holds these statements in the same esteem and regard, but I think the ten statements are worthy of consideration. I hope that by attributing these statements to the “Native Americans”, I don’t take away from the value of the statements themselves, but I do wish to recognize there are inherent problems in this title and wish for any forgiveness and grace that is needed. That being stated, I think the world, as a whole, would be so much better off if any and/or all of these statements were not only considered, but actually implemented. I will personally be trying to implement these in my own life.

1. Treat the Earth and all that dwell there on with respect.
2. Remain close to the Great Spirit.
3. Show great respect for your fellow beings.
4. Work together for the benefit of all humankind.
5. Give assistance and kindness wherever needed.
6. Do what you know to be right.
7. Look after the well-being of mind and body.
8. Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater good.
9. Be truthful and honest at all times.
10. Take full responsibility for your actions.

Unresolved Issues & Trauma…

Recently, (within this last week) I have been forcefully reminded I DEFINITELY have unresolved issues in my life… and they ARE DEFINITELY taking a toll!

How is this possible? I have written a book explaining how one should deal with unresolved issues. I have a podcast where I talk about mental health and different issues in this field and how we can all best take care of ourselves. I work DAILY with people who have experienced significant trauma and other unresolved issues in their lives and I am supposed to be “giving them advice.” How the heck am I supposed to advise others when I can’t even take care of my own issues?

Besides the feelings of being an impostor and worrying about my professionalism as a mental health worker, I have learned something this week also… something I think is VERY, VERY important… at least for me! Unresolved issues, trauma, ANYTHING negative that we give residence in our body and soul for ANY amount of time, whether it is a month or a lifetime, MUST be PHYSICALLY removed from one’s own system.

I have ALWAYS thought I am smart enough and independent enough to deal with whatever I have going on in my life on my own. Just THINK and ANALYZE the problem away and “POOF”… it is gone and dealt with. This past week, I have realized I have been thinking and analyzing this ONE issue in my life for almost HALF my life… it is not only STILL in my life, but in many ways it is destroying me… physically, mentally, and emotionally.

If you, like me, (and we ALL have something) have any unresolved issues or trauma or just anything that is working to destroy your happiness and contentment in this life from the inside out, please, please, please seek out ways to get it OUTSIDE of yourself! The problem with my approach all these years is that all my “thinking and analyzing” has allowed my issue to stay deep within my own existence, where it is VERY, VERY comfortable. I have not done what is needed to get it OUTSIDE… where there are others who can help and care and comfort.

Whatever works best for you; talk-therapy, immersion, confrontation, whatever might work, please don’t keep things inside. Unresolved issues and trauma WANT to remain hidden and secret. Release them. Give them up. They are not meant to be carried… and YOU are meant to be happy, healthy, and content in this life. I wish the best for EACH of us! Please take good care.

Women’s Apartheid…

I have heard this term a lot recently… I am not really sure what it means exactly or how it is being used in current conversations and discourse, but I do know this. Women throughout many of the histories of this world have been treated incorrectly and badly in both personal and societal ways. It is my hope I can treat women well in my time here on this Earth and be an ally to those women within my sphere of influence. I do not believe that any of us should be treated as any less significant or important than another, but today I make specific vow to women and the continuous struggle for equity, rights, and the pursuit of the best life possible.

What I Learned…

Another school year has come to an end, and I think I have learned something very, very important. Although I definitely have views on education and the education system as a whole here in America, I want to focus on one particular aspect. It seems to me, from a very personal viewpoint, that we are trying to “protect” our children from all the evils and harsh realities that we believe are all around us. We can’t. Most simply stated, as parents, as educators, as those who care deeply about the youth in our nation, we can not protect them from all the evils, ills, and dangers that inhabit every corner of the world in which we all live currently.

This is sobering, to say the least. What we can do though is teach our children the skills and abilities to handle ALL that life will throw at them, because LIFE will get to each of us, no matter how protected. I work with some youngsters that have been brutalized by life at a very young age, and the most important thing I have learned is if you can somehow create CONFIDENCE… confidence in themselves AND confidence in you and those that care for them, each one of these kids is capable of AMAZING things!

I CAN NOT protect these kids. Life gets to them in some pretty harsh ways. But I CAN help them soar, even if their wings and bodies and minds and spirits have been bruised and battered. No matter one’s past, I “teach” confidence. Confidence to soar, to rise above, to move past what once was and move toward the life they deserve.

This school year… what did I learn? These kids need me and I need them. One of the most beautiful lessons ever!

Can We All Agree…

In these last two weeks, I have been thinking one thought over and over and over again. Why do we ALL feel the need to tell others how to live their lives? I am not a historian in any way, but looking back throughout history, I find there are SO many examples, TOO, TOO MANY, where things have gone horribly wrong and the consequences have been WAY TOO gruesome and catastrophic, to even begin to think on a personal level it is a good idea for me to tell others how they should live.

The reality for me is pretty simple. I have PLENTY of work to do just trying to keep my OWN life in balance and on a good course. I find this difficult and more than challenging enough. There is NO REASON for me to seek out others when I don’t have my own life in perfect shape.

In the words of Jesus, “Whoever is without sin can cast the first stone…” It just seems to me that each time in this world we “cast a stone at another” it simply does not end well. Can we agree, at least maybe begin to THINK about agreeing, to work on our own lives and make sure our OWN backyards are kept clean before we cast stones at others?

Participants… Not Patients…

I currently work one-on-one with a student four hours every school day. She is one of the most lovely people I have ever met… I feel honored and blessed to meet with her. However, for such a young age, she has experienced more trauma than most.

We spend almost four hours a day in one room… just the two of us… with NO set curriculum! We can do whatever we want! One of the activities we do is read a book together. Her MOM gave her the book, “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk, because she thought it might help in dealing with the trauma this young woman has suffered. We only finished chapter two this afternoon but already this is one of my favorite books of all time.

My friend reads and I get to listen. Today the day passed so quickly and before we knew it, it was ALMOST time to go… but I asked (pleaded in a way) her if we could please finish chapter two before she left. “Of course. No problem.” In 10 minutes of listening to this sweet girl read this amazing book, I wanted to cry… or rage… or maybe just have someone hug me. The author was talking about how “Big Pharma” got started in the mental health field and mentioned so many things that broke my brain and crushed my soul… but then he wrote these words… “We are participants in our own healing, not patients…”

We are all an active member of a community (whether we recognize this or not) working to become the person we are at this very moment and (hopefully) working to become the person we want to be in the moments to come. We are participants… We are active… We are powerful…

My friend, me, you, every one of us… we are participants… in our own healing… and we are powerful!

Reach Out…

This week I had a visitor… a friend from the past I have not seen or talked with in over 30 years… it was an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING experience! One of the things we both enjoyed was simply looking at my sugar pea plant and watching its tendrils “reach out”, ”searching” for something upon which to anchor. We both thought of friendship, connection, and how important it is to physically “touch” the world around us. I hope this weekend you are surrounded by friends and those you love and you also “reach out” to the world around you. Take good care and do good things.

WHO do YOU VALUE…

Another person I have known committed suicide last week. A young man in his 40’s who “seemed” to have an ultimate life in almost every way: a beautiful, loving devoted wife, three kids, lots of money and a house near the lake. A great job and an even better community member. Cars, money, travel, and yet…

He is gone.

I am very worried this is only the beginning of a horrible trend. People need people. Every one of us are social beings. We need to love and we need to be loved. We need to value others in our lives and we need to know we are valued!

And yet, if I were to ask, “Do you value your phone or your relationships in your life more?” I think I know the answer. Put down your phone. Go hug a friend. Tell your Mom you love her. Go tell your Dad, if you are able. Write someone a note or ask them to go get a coffee/tea. Laugh with someone. Go ride a bike with someone who makes you smile. Let the people you value in this life know that you love them. You need them! They are valuable! Your life is better because of them!

Please Connect…

Another person I knew in my life has died. I was not close to him and it does not affect me as greatly as others, but still… it is a tragedy. A young man, only in his early 40’s with a wife and three kids… gone from this world… FOREVER!

If I am honest, the concept of being “gone” is too difficult for me to understand. I don’t really know how to comprehend it. IT is too big and my brain is too small. However, what I do understand in this situation is I will never get another chance to “connect” with this individual. I don’t mean calling him on the phone or sending him an email or text message… I mean seeing him in the hallway and talking about old sports injuries or complaining about how getting older is not so much fun or him helping me with a problem I was having or listening to me complain just because I needed to talk and let it out… I mean face-to-face, close enough to shake hands and pat each other on the shoulder when we said good-bye. I mean seeing if he was smiling or looked tired or was limping a bit because his knee was acting up. THIS is what I can understand. I know these things are never going to happen again… but, in reality, I don’t really understand. I can’t fathom. It does not make sense to me.

What does make sense to me is this. My friend, Jason, and I go to use the pool at the same time every day. Most days we have all the amenities all to ourselves. Jason does his thing and I do mine… and it is perfect. We always wave to each other as we enter the space and we definitely talk and share things, but that is basically the extent of it. We are “together” in the same space, but also “separate.” We love this!

This morning, as I was leaving the pool, I walked up to Jason and I told him how much I appreciate our time in this area, sharing it “together” but also being respectful of each other as individuals. I told him how much I look forward to coming to the pool and “sharing” it with him (Jason is the ONLY person with whom I LIKE to share the pool). Sometimes, if there are others, I won’t even go. Jason told me he feels the same way and told me his parents know all about me just because of this “shared experience.”

We talked for about 10 minutes and we shared how much we both appreciate each other and look forward to seeing each other every morning. We shared enough in those 10 minutes that as I was walking out the door to return to my apartment, I had a lump in my throat and I was trying desperately to keep tears from my eyes.

Jason and I have always had a “connection.” I liked him the very first time I met him. But this morning… we “connected.” We became friends on a much deeper level. I do not think there are many things in this life that are more valuable. Please “connect” with others. None of us have any idea how many more moments we have in this life. For me personally, to connect with another is possibly the best way I can spend any moments in this life. Thank you, Jason and please, please Rest In Peace D.E.

The Brain Heals…

I geek out on the brain… I can not even begin to write words to try and explain how awesome and awe-inspiring I believe the brain really is… It is an absolute wonder and even the most knowledgeable among us have a very limited understanding.

One thing we do know is the brain is constantly changing and “healing.” Neuroplasticity is the ability of the human brain to change and adapt. Although the human brain loses some of its “plasticity” as one ages, it NEVER loses this ability completely! The human brain has over 1,000,000,000 electrical connections. A billion! As these connections fire in an established pattern, they create “neural pathways.” Neural pathways are important in thoughts and feelings and actions.

What I find amazing is that trauma in one’s life definitely forms neural pathways in one’s brain. In many ways, these pathways can be very prominent and “dominate” the functioning of the brain in different ways. Until recently, it was generally accepted that trauma and traumatic experiences “lived” in our brains until we left this Earth.

However, the brain is MUCH MORE resilient than we ever thought. We ABSOLUTELY have the power to “rewire” our brains at any time in our lives. The neural pathways created by trauma can be rewired. The brain CAN create ANY neural pathways you desire! If you allow and do what is needed to help your brain, it WILL heal itself! Your brain is NOT static. It is CONSTANTLY changing and adapting and YOU are the one in control of the neural pathways that are created. So much to think about but something that just leaves me awe-struck. We are all powerful beings with so much more abilities than we might ever realize.